We know the literal definition of a boundary is a line that marks a limit. Boundaries in your personal or professional life, however, are a bit more ambiguous. These are rules that determine what actions you’re willing to accept from others, and your personality, ethics, and experiences are going to define your own boundaries.
“I like to think of it as an invisible force field that you get to build around yourself that allows you to determine what you let in or what you keep out,” said Laura Motschenbacher, DVM, DACVIM, assistant professor of Small Animal Internal Medicine at the University of Minnesota’s College of Veterinary Medicine, during her ACVIM Forum 2024 presentation on setting boundaries.
As compassionate, perfectionist people-pleasers, veterinarians often have difficulty setting boundaries and saying, “No.” This is problematic because it can lead to feelings of resentment and burnout—an issue that’s pervasive in veterinary medicine.
Motschenbacher offered tips to help veterinary professionals set stronger boundaries and practice better self-care.
The Signs of an Inadequate Boundary
Would you know if your personal boundaries were missing? Motschenbacher listed three clinical signs of inadequate boundaries:
- Poor self-care. “To be an excellent vet, tech, or manager of a clinic, you need to make sure that you are caring for yourself first and foremost, and a great way to care for yourself is to set healthy boundaries,” she said. If you find yourself saying things like, “Oh, I just didn’t have time for lunch today,” or “I don’t have time for myself,” that’s a red flag that a boundary might be missing.
- Feeling resentment. “Again, as people in the veterinary field, we’re here to help,” she emphasized. “We’re here to care, and that provides us a lot of joy when we’re caring for those sick animals. When you start feeling resentment, you suck that joy right out of helping.”
- Feeling overwhelmed. While it’s totally normal and acceptable to have busy days, chronic feelings of being overwhelmed can very quickly turn into burnout.
Reasons Motschenbacher said you might have inadequate boundaries include catastrophizing (assuming the worst outcome), the discomfort of setting boundaries, and simply being unaware you can set boundaries in certain situations.
Step 1: Identify where you need to set boundaries.
Much of boundary-setting is awareness. Pay attention to how you feel after you say yes or no to something.
“If you find yourself saying yes when you actually want to say no,” said Motschenbacher. “If you find yourself putting the needs of others before yourself or maybe avoiding certain tasks, those can all be scenarios where you need to stop and say, ‘Is there a boundary that I thought I had that’s inadequate? Is there a boundary completely missing that I need to set?’”
Then, to determine where your boundary should be, think about your core values and what’s really important to you.
“I’m a new mom, so for me, my family is super important. My core value is family,” Motschenbacher explained. “So, when I’m making decisions, I can say, ‘Does this decision align with my core values?’ If the answer is yes, then I will let it through my boundary. If the answer is no, then I’m going to have to say I’m not going to be able to make that meeting or whatever.”
Step 2: Communicate your boundaries.
Your goal when communicating your boundaries is to be clear, concise, and direct—even if it makes you uncomfortable, said Motschenbacher. Use phrases like “I need,” “I want,” and “I expect,” then fill in the blank with what you want your boundary to be. For example, “I want you to contact the on-call veterinarian if you have any questions,” or, “I expect your horse to be ready and in the cross-ties at our appointment time.”
Then, consider who you are going to communicate your boundaries to. “People don’t know what they don’t know,” Motschenbacher noted. “If you thought you had a boundary and somebody violates your boundary, maybe it’s because you didn’t actually communicate it. Figure out who needs to know and how you’re going to tell them.” She added that in-person communication is always the clearest and most direct form.
Step 3: Live by your boundaries.
Once you determine your boundary and communicate it, you must adhere to it too. Otherwise, you’re undermining all the work you just did. Motschenbacher likened this to taking your shoes off in the house if you expect others to do the same. “If you’re hosting a party, and you want all your guests to take off their shoes, you better greet them at the door with your shoes off,” she said.
Common Mistakes
Motschenbacher listed three mistakes veterinarians often make that can thwart their ability to maintain boundaries:
- Apologizing. Avoid the temptation to apologize when you say no to something—i.e., Sorry, I can’t commit to that at this time. “You don’t need to apologize for your boundaries,” she said. “Your boundaries are valid.”
- Overexplaining. It’s acceptable to give a little context when communicating a boundary. For example, “I need to leave the clinic at 5 p.m. to pick up my daughter.” But you should not feel obligated to defend your boundary by explaining it, such as “I need to leave the clinic at 5 p.m. to pick up my daughter from day care before it closes at 6, and my husband is out of town.” If you are in a respectful relationship, said Motschenbacher, and that person values you, they should respect the boundary you’re setting.
- Wavering. Think about boundary-setting like training a dog—you must be consistent. “For example, if you say you need to leave the clinic at 5:00 p.m., and then you constantly leave at 6:00 p.m., no one’s going to respect your boundary because they don’t see you respecting your own boundary,” she said. “If you say you’re going to do something, you have to do it.”
Take-Home Message
Setting a boundary is a way to ensure that your needs are being met, said Motschenbacher. It’s healthy to have boundaries; in fact, setting boundaries is a form of self-care.
“We need to leave this profession better than we found it,” she said. “I’m in academia, so I think it’s part of my responsibility to set and maintain good boundaries so students who are going to be the future vets know how to set and maintain good boundaries.”
Related Reading
- Managing Difficult Clients and Difficult Expectations in Equine Practice
- Veterinary Wellness Briefs: Recognizing and Extinguishing Burnout
- The Business of Practice: Resisting Emotional Blackmail
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