Radical acceptance is the ability to accept things beyond your control without judgment, thereby reducing the suffering they cause. By accepting reality, you can acknowledge your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. When processing emotions and managing difficult experiences, this practice can help decrease your pain.
Avoiding Suffering Through Radical Acceptance
In the book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach relays the Buddhist saying, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” She explains that radical acceptance is the complete, calm receipt of reality in your mind, heart, and body. It requires you to stop fighting reality, avoid throwing tantrums when reality isn’t going your way, and let go of anger or bitterness.
It is important to recognize that no one can keep pain, loss, and sorrow from entering their life. Pain cannot be avoided, and rejecting reality doesn’t change reality. Instead, it turns your pain into suffering. To change your reality, you must first accept it. While accepting reality might cause profound sadness, it is often followed by a deep calmness and peace. Refusing to accept reality results in persistent feelings of anger, unhappiness, bitterness, shame, and sadness, whereas opening yourself to all of life’s possibilities can provide you with a new way to be true to yourself.
Radical acceptance is not resignation. Instead, “bringing Radical Acceptance to any part of our experience is a fundamental shift that opens the way to genuine, lasting change,” Brach writes. It does not mean defining ourselves by our limitations and giving up on having a full and happy life, nor does it mean self-indulgence. Rather, it suggests using mindfulness and compassion to understand and accept our desires but not necessarily act on them.
Challenges of Radical Acceptance
Radical acceptance is challenging for many reasons. If you’ve never tried it, you might feel you lack the necessary skills. You might incorrectly believe that if you accept a painful event, you are minimizing its impact. You might think you are setting yourself up for future pain if you aren’t working to enact change. Furthermore, a whirlwind of emotions can prevent acceptance; the pain of unbearable sadness, anger at someone you blame for the painful event, rage at the universe, overwhelming shame about who you are, or even guilt about your behavior or mistakes can all make radical acceptance challenging.
How to Start Practicing Radical Acceptance
Practicing radical acceptance starts with the intention of not allowing pain to turn into endless suffering. This requires monitoring your feelings to identify when you are allowing yourself to feel worse than necessary. Grief and disappointment are normal emotions in many situations, such as when you lose a loved one. When you fail to integrate and accept this initial pain, suffering can result.
Start by observing your thoughts and sensations. How does your grief show up in your body? If you pay attention to the ache in your chest, you might find it becomes heat that spreads down your body, centering over your stomach, or a cold tingling on your cheeks. Notice with curiosity how the physical sensations of your emotions change.
Remind yourself that you cannot change reality (“This is what happened”), and the series of events leading to reality are now history (“This is how things happened”). Notice if you are fighting reality (“It shouldn’t be this way”). Allow your emotions to present themselves and, as Brach says, “invite them in for tea.” Use relaxation techniques, prayer, and mindfulness breathing techniques, or visit a place that brings you peace. Sit with your uncomfortable emotions, and give them space beside you on the couch. Begin to imagine what actions you would take if you accepted the unacceptable reality, and make a plan to begin doing those things.
Final Thoughts
Life is worth living even when it’s painful. Joy and hope can exist alongside pain. Life is a patchwork of experiences that shape us and create opportunities for growth and healing.
Related Reading
- The Equine Practitioner’s Mid-Career Crunch
- Veterinary Wellness Briefs: Should I See a Therapist?
- Veterinary Wellness Briefs: Grieving and Grace
Stay in the know! Sign up for EquiManagement’s FREE weekly newsletters to get the latest equine research, disease alerts, and vet practice updates delivered straight to your inbox.
